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| yes.. finally i had became so fustrated that even i couldnt stand any longer. are YOU trying to challenge me? but i would answer you... i give up... everything in my life is just so irritates me. everytime i look at myself in the mirror.... why do i had such a life? why do my life had so much of unhappy moments. everyday, i would cry for one reason. and i'm so sick of it. why do i suddenly became so emotional? so dramatic? when i thought of death, i felt feared of it. i could imagine one day i died silently, that would be nobody knows about it. I left quietly, which everyone would forget about me. I had thought about die, now... but at the same time, i thought about my family and my friends around me.. they would be suffering. how good if everyone hates me.. and hopes that i could die earlier. i hate myself...every single thing of mine. if everyone of you can just back off of my life, i would definitely feel relief. i tried to do something right, for example, i hope both of my best friends forgive each other, although their friendship are so 'no-cure' . then, i wish i could friends with them, talk to them, care about them at the same time. but finally, what i did was just hurted both of them, and make things worse. arguement started, quarelling everyday, complain to me.... i'm tired of being so greedy. i thought i have the rightoues to choose friends? i know my way to make them happy once again. but what i do was just useless, even worse! pathetic... | | |
| finally.. i found the lyrics of my favourite song. this song has lots of memories... i wonder if anyone of u could listen the feelings of mine in this song.. its slow, sadness, and bit romantic.. n the lyrics, r truely described my stories...n those r the words tht in my mind... 傻子才以为 开始的特别 结局就会完美你在我耳边 说过的话变得遥远 我听见的周围 遍布你们对我不利的流言我心中很胆怯 却无能为力看爱被他偷窃我祈求多一天 能保留你在身边 还以为 能将你挽回当你说了不要再见 亲爱的 我是傻了眼 我的心到底离你有多远 难道真得没有什么让你留恋 我多嫉妒他让你坚决 我们的永远 你已看不见 怎么会不见你让我手无寸铁 如果能倒流时间 我会 我会 我会傻子才以为 开始的特别 结局就会完美 心说变就变 所有回忆变得遥远 我祈求多一天能保留你在身边 还以为 他一厢情愿当你说了不要再见 多希望 我能听不见 再回到从前 再见你一面 至少能够让我说声再见再抱你一遍 然后就让你自由的去飞 就不再想念 就不再想念... try this... really... i cried everytime i listened to this song.. haha =Dnow no more d lar.. but nice to listen LOR!!!!
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| mom, i had grown up, could u pls let me go? i wish i could say this to my mom. all of them've been treating me lyk a small kids. worry these n tht, u can't do this or that. i cant go any places, i cant do anything that i wish to do. i got no freedom. but y they always tot tht i'm still childish? its just because they r over-protected. how am i gonna be independent with their protection? i hav to grow up sumdays. n now, its the time. at least let me decide wat i wanna do, or pls.. respect my decision. they tot that i'm lucky enuf to hav this family, perhaps. but there's sumthing tht i dun really lyk it, or even hate it! gosh! i'm tired of being tied up, i'm sick of rejecting my outings. i wanna live in a teenage life, tht shd be more freedom unlike kids. lyk my frens, their parents r believing in them, so they let them go out wif frens, playing around. but y they just cant understand wat i need? they r doing the opposite way! always expected me to think wat they feel, varnish my dream to accomplish their dream! wat kind of life i'm having.. it sux.. i wonder y i was here. i had been suffering a lot, but nobody could really listen to me... | | |
| I wonder y i'm always that confuse, that fustrated. There're many things filled in my heart, which make me feel numb, of everything. I wasn't in the mood these days, why I can't just be a normal teenager that I wish to be? The one who should study hard always, take good care of family, joyful to meet her friends, or even greeting for a better brand new day before she sleeps? Why am I always take everything so serious? ain't like anyone of them. I wonder why I had become so fustrating, of my life. I feel stunned when I'm thinking of how I'm going to die, without anyone besides me. I'm dying..all alone. I can feels the pain, when a person dies, there's nothing for this world. I'm afraid of dying, I'm scared of the feelings.I want to cry. I can't sleep these days, because everything in my mind is negative. I'm thinking how I'm gonna to lose everything in my life, friends, family, studies, happiness, joyful, games, love.. and so.... myself..... Love always hurts me the most, but I do the same thing again, again and again. And so it hurts me the first time, the second, the third and finally the fort. What's the purpose of my life? anyone hearing me?? whats the fucking purpose of my life! | | |
| Primary school life was still clear in my mind as there's many things happened at that moment. There's always some sadness, joyful, humorous, or anger time. Especially the charmed ones that we used to admire last time. When I was 10, my buddies and I would believe in magics or some fairy tales. Maybe they sound ridiculous or silly to you. but for us, it's quite a tough thing to forget or wipe off from our mind. Till now, I still do believe in magics, supernatural and all. We organised a league which receiving some of our good friends to join us, drawing the maps, the characters, the monsters, creating the powers.... n so on. It does sounds fun though. By that time, we create some own 'entry pass' - a card which allowed us to enter our so called palace.Haha.... its so silly... there are few things that we play the role before. such as mermaid, the dragons, god of snakes, n the very last one.. the Charmed Ones. Charmed was the longest roles that we played during our school time. And we believed there was some demon or devil in our school. We went for the adventures... discovered some accidents or incidents happened before, gather some information from the toilet cleaners, canteen workers and all. That's weird! because we don't afraid of anything! We wrote the spells, made the potions, created our own 'Book of Shadow'. Do you think its ridiculous? Don't ever u think that way. Because they these charmed powers worked well too! I still remember that we put on spells that I wish I don't want to go for the tuition.. and while I was waiting for my fren call, my tuition teacher called me that that day we couldn't had a tuition because something happened to her. Since we are still kiddy, we planned to make one of our fren , lets call him john, to gather him with his admired guy. alrite.. it sounds gay.. i know...We planned and planned and planned.... finally we got some ideas! As we r the prefects, everthing shall be going easier. While break time, we all creep into our class, took out the love potion that i made the day before and dripped few drops on the guy's bag and another for john. So... funny moment beginss..... after the recess, when all of us went back to the classes, the guy who john admired hug him tightly suddenly and said 'i luv u' ... we were absolute stunned...... HAHAHAHA......it does worked! See... magics do work when you truely believe in them! that's the happiest moment in my life... seriously... | | |
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